Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Goal Update

I have been trying to implement what I discovered and blogged about in my Divine Discontent post. It has not been easy. In fact, I have experienced profound loneliness this past week and a half. I've still interacted with many others each evening, but I cut it down a lot. Not being social is really hard for me.

Week number one: Apart from institute and FHE, the only big group activity I went to was a tri-ward outdoor movie night in the park. However, I took precautions before heading to movie night and invited some friends from a ward I was in a few years back. The purpose of this was to avoid professional mingling with my current ward, and to rekindle deeper friendships from the past.

I also opted out of two parties in order to spend more one-on-one time with people. I hung out with a girl from the ward while we explored Photoshop, went four-wheeling with a good guy friend, went to Cocoa Bean with three girls from the ward I have never had more than a 'hey how you doing' conversation with before, and reserved all of Saturday afternoon and night for my mother. Turns out it was a good thing because I ended up on pain killers and laying on ice due to whiplash all Saturday.

The best was Friday night. I opted out of the "Black and White Bash" to go to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing. Not only was the choir amazing (I gave four standing ovations-which I'm usually pretty stingy with), but I was able to spend time with my old roommate Brittany and my good friend Josh. We delved into more meaningful and serious conversations on the drive to Salt Lake. It was good.

Week Number Two:
Sunday I caved. I held choir practice in the morning, then went to church, then I went to ward prayer. That was good. But it didn't stop there. After ward prayer, I went to a birthday party with lots and lots of people, then the game night. I'm ashamed. I wasn't the last one to leave game night this time, though.

Last night I spent some time with three people in the ward I have never done anything with outside of the ward before.

Tonight I refused an invitation to go country dancing in a big group (which I am usually the instigator of). I went to dinner with my current roommates and then watched Hairspray with them. The three of us talked for at least an hour after it was finished. Then I stayed up with one of them talking until right now (3:30am).

The fact that I still participated in all these activities may not sound like a roaring accomplishment when considering that my goal is to be less social. I'm obviously not giving up social activities entirely. I still plan plenty of events because I feel like I have a knack for it, and it helps everybody get to know everybody else and have a good time, especially people who may have a harder time getting to know new people.

But for me right now, I think I need to learn to be more comfortable with one-on-ones, deeper friendships, and letting my real self out. I am also trying to force myself to be happy with periods of being alone. It's hard. But I think it will be good.

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