Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Three Things I Hate

I have found myself getting more irritated than usual recently - even borderline angry. After sorting it out, I have realized there are three common threads. So here they are.

1. I hate when people select their friends on the basis of looks only. If someone doesn't like someone's personality, fine. But people that chose their friends on the basis of questions such as: "Are they as pretty as me?" or "Are they popular?" or "Are they at my 'level'?" belong in high school. I am not talking about people not wanting to hang out with me because they don't think I'm pretty enough. I'm talking about when people say things like, "I am surprised you are friends with her/him" about great people. It is so lame.

2. I hate when people act so flaky that the word "yes" means "maybe" and "maybe" means "definitely not." I don't mind people being late at all (in fact I am notorious for being late). But, when people don't show up at all after saying they would (without calling), it makes me more upset than I would like to get. Especially when rescheduling really inconveniences other people. Or if the logistics of the plan for the rest of the group has to change because of said flakiness.

3. This one is the worst. I hate it when people get possessive of my time and attention, to the point that I am constantly worried that they will explode on me if I don't evaluate how much or how little I have contacted them on a daily basis. Or when someone tells me I can't go somewhere I want to go, work on a project I want to work on, or do something I want to do because I have to focus all attention on said person. I can understand it if it is to a reasonable degree in a family relationship, roommate relationship, or dating relationship. But, the degree of commitment has to be equivalent to the degree of attention demanded. It ticks me off when I see a husband cutting a wife off from all her former connections so he can control her. Guilt trips also make me angry.

Now that I have figured out what irritates me, I have been trying to figure out what in my personality or background make it that way.

Here's what I think. As far as #1 goes, I've always been a little feisty about appearances vs. reality. I don't like it when the cover design of a business plan or color scheme of a presentation is weighted as heavily as the substance of the plan or presentation. I think I see people the same way. Plus, I guess I've never really cared too much about being 'popular.' Lastly, I just don't like seeing people being left out.

As for #2, I think I plan a lot of activities. Perhaps I am overly concerned about the details of the activities to the point of micromanaging. I have seen this in myself as I've called every person participating to make sure they have everything they need for whatever activity it is and take care of things for them that they could easily take care of themselves. I need to know exactly how many people are coming, who is driving, etc. before the activity. So when my perfectly mapped out plans change, I get more frazzled than necessary. It also nullifies a lot of the work I've done, which is frustrating.

#3 is due to the fact that I let people walk all over me too much. I've been told this by multiple people (including my bishop's wife who pulled me aside to tell me one day). This has caused me a lot of stress as I have felt unnecessary obligated to a lot of people who proceed to tear me down - maybe trying to make me feel lucky that they are my friend. I think it really stems from the fact that I try to be nice to everyone, even people that others avoid. So, manipulative and possessive people can latch onto me really easily because I don't have the heart to 'abandon' them or say 'no.'

It is comforting for me to realize that I was not naturally born into being easily irritated or angered. It is experiences that have melded me this way, and by changing my perceptions and my behavior, I hope to get to the point that I no longer find myself in these situations, or that these situations no longer bother me because I can control myself.

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